Reality of Dreaming


Time ticks by, tick, tick, tick
I find myself wish for more
Wondering what I never discovered
Things I never knew about you
Dreams I didn’t hear, sorrows unknown
Wanting to see your face in person
Where all the lines and creases
Tell the stories I never heard
Show all the sadness and smiles
Etched like crevices deep in the dirt
Carved by rainwaters flowing down the trail
And the sun drying it out again
River of tears and kisses of sunshine
Create the same ruts and ridges along your brow

I will myself to dream you as a compensation prize
The only way to connect for just a few
Does my mind’s manifestation truly capture you?
It’s hard to tell it has been so long
The dreamweaver entwining past lines
Stitching a new you from past yous
Standing firm before me, I reach out
Wanting to be assured this dream is real
But quickly I recoil, frightened that you are real
A very real feeling you made me feel before

Scared of my reality
Scared of my past
Scared of what was
Scared of what’s to come
Scared of truths
Scared of untruths
Scared of you
Scared of me

The Salt of Life

Reading a blog post today about Kara Goucher made me think about my own ups and downs.  Anyone who knows me or has followed this blog knows that I have had my share of both.  At times the downs seemed to outweigh the ups, but it is all about perception.  If I focused on the downs they seemed to overwhelm and overtake everything.  But if I allowed them their moment and moved on, the highs of my life were so much greater than they had been before.

I liken the downs to salt. Salt is a natural part of life, as are tragedies, heart breaks, and failures.  If you add too much salt (linger in your downs too long) you ruin your dish.  It tastes terrible and sometimes is completely inedible.

But if you add just enough, it makes the sweet (the ups of life) even sweeter.


Halloween School Parade

We have school off on Halloween, which is fabulous.  But in order to celebrate at school the boys had their parties and parade today.  It is kinda fun that we start pulling out the costumes so early.  Marley and Brodie are a matching set…

The Jelly

To This Peanut Butter

For the third year running Cale shows his inner ninja.

Ninja (Not a Turtle)

We even had a mysterious platypus sighting.

Platypus Sighting


and it feels so good.

It Has Been a Long Time, Friend

My waffle iron broke a couple months ago.  Catastrophe.  Perry only eats about 6 things and waffles is one of the healthiest ones.  I got my new waffle maker on Friday.  This weekend it was like watching 2 long lost lovers finding each other again.  A beautiful sight.

The Blue

is it’s own entity here in Boise.  As game time approached last night, we drove to Matt’s work to park the car at Albertson’s and walk to the Albertson’s stadium (LOVE that Matt’s company bought the naming rights to BSU’s stadium).  The sea of orange and blue emerged from every nook and cranny filled the sidewalks and streets, all heading to one place… to cheer on the Broncos.  We knew we were going to be Broncos fans before moving here.  How could you not?  Broncos rule Boise.  Last night was the perfect night to go, not too hot, not too cold, not too early, not too late.

At first all the kids were truly excited about was pigging out on stadium junk food.  I can’t blame them, it was always a fun part for me too.

When Do We Get Our Food?!?

Even Perry was content with soft pretzels and m&ms.  He did so great, I was shocked at how we got through the WHOLE game and did not have to leave super early.

Orange Orange Everywhere Orange

But after everyone’s bellies were full and sweet tooth had been satisfied, they really got into it.  It was hard not to be excited.  You are in an energized crowd.  A happy crowd, which is so different from a lot of games we had attended in Pittsburgh or Chicago.  No one is screaming profanities at the players when they lose the ball or raging because the ref made a call against our Broncos.  Sure there were “Boos” to the refs on some calls, but my lord the chanting you would here at Steeler games when a bad play or call occurred was embarrassing.  Pittsburghers are passionate, but this crowd was just as passionate about the game.  The kids really couldn’t help but cheer along (as you can see Cale in the background…)

Go Boise Go Boise

Our favorite cheers were 1. the guy behind us cheering “Go Boise Go Boise” every 10 seconds and 2. the announcer saying, “And that’s another Broncos…” and we responded “1ST DOWN!!!”  We even got some pom poms at the 4th quarter.

We sat in the North End Zone, the cheapy seats and the party zone.  Definitely some wafts of weed were detected and many painted faces observed.  A great view of the first half as the Broncos scored at our end a couple times, not as good of a view of the second half as they worked their way down to the other end of the field.  But “the blue” turf was as cool in person as it is own television.  At one point the sky matched the field…

The Blues Match

A Full Year Later

Congratulations Marathoners

One year ago I ran my first (and only to date) marathon.  Yesterday I watched runners completing that same marathon down the streets of Chicago.  It fueled my long run for the day.  It is always exciting to watch other runners doing what we love.  You can see the dedication on their faces and in the churning of their legs.  Especially in a marathon, you are witnessing their bodies doing what it has been trained to do over and over again.  It is almost automatic.  It doesn’t FEEL automatic for a great portion of the race, but as a spectator you can almost see all the training runs that runner has put in.

After the excitement came a bit of sadness.  I realized that it has been a full year since I have raced.  No half marathons, no 10Ks, not even a fun 5K.  I don’t consider myself much of a racer.  Racing is a separate skill from running.  There is strategy, precision, and competitiveness that all goes into being a good racer.  I don’t have any of those.  I haven’t raced enough to know what strategy works for me, pacing is still a major goal, and I’m really not driven, as some, competitively.  That being said, I didn’t choose to be raceless this last year.  If it was my choice maybe it wouldn’t have felt so bad, but because I couldn’t race it felt really horrible to think a year has passed.

I was raceless because my body gave out after Chicago.  I was spent.  Drained.  On empty.  Mentally I had dedicated years towards training without much of a break.  I was constantly pushing every run.  I was seeing the joy I got from running sliding into the background and sitting in the shadows, as the “I have to…” runs became the regular.

Physically, I was even more broken.  My iron stores (or my ferritin) levels were VERY low.  Despite my doctor feeling it was at the low end of normal, I could FEEL that it was not at all normal.  Even more telling my performance was suffering when I tried to run.  I couldn’t maintain my usual pace.  The tendons in my feet were still healing and sore.  My hamstring was the worst of it all.  It hurt on every run and it gave me no power to drive forward.  Then my hips began to hurt.  My body was failing me.

At least that’s what I started to think.  Until I realized I was failing my body.  I was not respecting all the work my body did day in and day out.  My body would carry me through 60+ miles a week, yet I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t run all those miles at my marathon pace or faster.  My body had just plowed through a marathon in pretty quick time for a newcomer, yet I did not allow for rest.  My body would endure double runs that I scheduled several days a week, yet I never slotted extra sleep in the morning to help with recovery and repair.  Sure, I would have my rest day, but one rest day was not going to help me if 6 other days I was slamming my body to its limits.

Finally, it began to crash.  And I woke up and took notice as to why it was crashing.  Ever since I saw my tower beginning to collapse, I vowed to respect my body.  Now providing myself not just a full diet, but also the supplements I need to keep things healthy.  I promised to take easy days easy.  EVERY single training plan does not tout easy days, yet not mean to actually take it easy.  I am not beyond what even the professionals runners do (THEY DO EASY RUNS!).  Pulling back takes as much effort sometimes as drilling myself into the ground.  And it takes courage.  It takes knowing that running slower does not mean I am losing fitness or not a “insert race and race time here (i.e. 1:35 half marathon…)” runner.  I need to have confidence that those runs are actually what benefits me AS MUCH as the fast tempos and speed sessions and long runs.  While I wish I could have back the time I had to take off from running, I wouldn’t give up some of the lessons I had learned in that process.  I truly believe I am a better runner (be it faster or slower…) because of it.

Congratulations to all the runners who ran Chicago yesterday!  You made me smile and reflect, yet again, on what last year’s Chicago marathon taught me.

The Harrison Classic

The North End was rated one of the 10 best neighborhoods in 2008.  Harrison Blvd. is a main component of that.  We live in the foothills of the North End.  Just a 5 minute bike ride to Harrison Blvd.  When the kids were excited to participate in the Harrison Classic, a one mile kids only run that goes down Harrison Blvd, I was ecstatic!  Running, close to home, and a beautiful environment?  Win-win-win.  Kids had a great time, minus a few sour grapes attending the race.  They participated all by themselves.  I was so happy for them to run all on their own.

Take Off Brodie!

Marley, Marley, Marley!!

Go Cale!