Has it been four years? My fourth child. My fourth little boy. It has gone fast and been a long four years all in one. There were many days at the start when I didn’t even know if I would ever see a fourth birthday for you. Days when I know I held back my heart in fear that I would lose too much of it, if I lost you. I have tried to make that up to you. Giving you more of me than I have ever given to anyone.
When you were in my belly, 4 years and some odd months ago, I would have visions of holding hands with a little girl with curly hair. Spending our days just the 2 of us because the boys were older and in school. You may not wear the little eyelet lace dress I would have in those visions, but your curly little head is just as sweet. I can tell already, just a day into our new school year, that we will have so many special moments.
At four you continue the tradition of 3 and 4 being the hardest years. You have the same tantrums as any other 4 year old. You just have them a lot more frequently. The frustration of not being able to communicate your wants, desires, dislikes, and problems creates twice (or thrice) as many instances when you get frustrated. Your developing communication does make life more challenging, but I do know many of your likes and dislikes.
You only eat a handful of things, despite my persistence at exposing you to an array of foods. Pizza and waffles are your favorites. For dessert you like chocolate chip cookies and m&ms. You still love to watch SuperWhy and play Perry the Platypus on the iPad. You have an affinity towards Perry…
You know almost all the letters, both upper and lower case, and seek them out whenever you can. You love your trains more than anything. You will build a track that covers the entire study floor and already know to turn the trains around if they won’t stick together. The trains go everywhere with us and a fair share have been left in a variety of stores both in Plainfield and here in Boise. You are a slow to warm up kid when it comes to new activities. You are hesitant to touch play dough or paint, but once you try it you gradually become comfortable playing with that medium. Your scream is still the loudest scream I have ever heard and that is no exaggeration. It stops people in their tracks and some even comment (“WHOA”, “WOW”, “That scared me…”) when you let loose in public. It has improved a lot since you have been surgery free for the last 6 months. You are SUPER independent. You hate hand over hand, but do love to snuggle with Daddy and me at times. My favorite thing about you is your belly laugh. There are times you will laugh with your whole soul and being. Anyone in ear shot can’t help but to laugh along with you.
This birthday you actually participated in decorating the castle cake (even though you ate chocolate chip cookies instead for dessert…). Through all the other birthdays (I think 12 of them since you were born) you have been a passive participant to the decorating. You would watch or eat m&ms, but you never really got in and helped out. This birthday you did. You didn’t want to get your fingers in the icing, so you put them on the icing and I put them on the cake.
You love singing and were enamored with us all singing Happy Birthday to you. When it came time to blow out the candles I ended up blowing out most in attempt to get you to blow. You did try to snuff them out with your fingers, but that didn’t end too well. Still it was a happy day.
I wish now that I would have known that there would be a fourth birthday and it would be a very happy one. I was still learning how to live in the moment. I was still practicing staying positive. These are the gifts you have given me my sweet boy. Ones that I will never lose. I hope I can give you back as much. Happy birthday Perry-o. You were meant to be mine and I am lucky enough to be yours.